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... I don't believe I was ever who I was told I was.
Even as a little girl, there was a part of me that knew myself. I knew when something didn't feel right. I questioned things. I noticed inconsistencies. And although I didn't have the words for what was happening, I had an instinct that told me there was more to the story.
Years later, I found myself in a marriage where I experienced many of those same feelings again.
The confusion.
The questioning.
The good moments mixed with painful ones.
Trying to understand how someone could say they loved you while behaving in ways that made you feel small, uncertain, or hurt.
Trying harder because you believe that if you can just explain yourself better, love better, understand more, or find the right words, maybe things will finally change.
And perhaps one of the hardest parts: Not always being able to explain to other people what was happening.
Because narcissistic abuse doesn't always look the way people expect abuse to look.
Sometimes there are wonderful days.
There can be laughter, affection, apologies, promises and moments that make you question whether things were really as bad as you thought.
And that confusion can keep you there much longer than you ever imagined.
I know what it feels like to love someone and still know that the relationship is hurting you.
I know what it feels like to question what is real.
I know what it feels like when the people around you don't fully understand.
And I know what it feels like to finally realize:
I can't change this person. But I can decide what happens to me next.
That realization changed my life.
What Happened to You Is Not Who You Are
One of the reasons I created The Watered Willow is because so much of the conversation around narcissistic abuse focuses on the narcissist.
Why do they behave this way?
Are they really a narcissist?
Will they ever change?
Did they love me?
Why did they choose me?
Those questions are understandable. I asked questions too.
But eventually, I realized there was a much more important person I needed to understand.
Me.
Who am I now?
What do I want?
What do I believe?
What do I need?
What does my life look like when I'm no longer making every decision around someone else's reactions?
How do I learn to trust myself again?
Those are the questions that can begin to change everything.
Because recovery isn't about spending the rest of your life trying to understand the person who hurt you.
It's about understanding yourself again.
Why The Watered Willow
I chose the name The Watered Willow because a willow can bend through incredible storms without losing its ability to grow.
But even the strongest tree needs water.
So do we.
After narcissistic abuse, you may have spent years pouring your energy into someone else—trying to keep the peace, trying to be understood, trying to make a relationship work, or simply trying to survive emotionally.
The Watered Willow is about turning some of that care back toward yourself.
Not becoming someone new.
Coming back to who you were before someone else convinced you to question her.
And then deciding who you want to become from here.
This Is Where My Work Comes In
Today, I'm a Certified Life Coach specializing in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery.
I'm not here to diagnose the person in your life.
And I'm not here to tell you what you should do.
I believe you have probably had enough people telling you what you should think, how you should feel, and what you should do.
My role is different.
I help you look at where you are now, reconnect with yourself, and begin figuring out where you want to go next.
That's the heart of the work we do through:
GROW
Reconnect with your feelings, needs, values, strengths and voice.
FLOURISH
Build boundaries, self-trust, confidence and healthier patterns that support the person you are becoming.
BECOME
Begin making intentional choices about your life and creating a next chapter that actually feels like your own.
There is no perfect timeline for this.
You don't have to have everything figured out before you begin.
You simply have to start listening to yourself again.
You Are Not Who They Told You You Were.
If someone has spent years defining you, criticizing you, confusing you, blaming you, or making you question yourself, it can take time to separate their voice from your own.
But their version of you does not have to become your identity.
I know that because I've lived it.
The Watered Willow exists because I believe there is life after narcissistic abuse that is about so much more than simply surviving what happened.
There is a point when the story can stop being only about them.
And it can start being about you.
Your voice.
Your choices.
Your boundaries.
Your confidence.
Your life.
Your next chapter.
You survived the relationship. Now it's time to find yourself again.
Welcome to The Watered Willow.
I'm Sande, and I'm glad you're here.
